from Astronaut: The Best.
Procedural interactive event. Screwball humor, surreal.
Written/designed with David Mershon.
This event, like many in Astronaut: The Best, is generated using a wide variety of randomized and recombinant text techniques. Every week, the player’s astronauts have a chance to prove their skills on national television, and this is one example of what can happen. The transcript is on the left, with pseudocode that generated it on the right.
| IGNAEUS (HOST) Will our astronauts have what it takes to show steadfast courage in riding Porpoise Bay’s newest thrill attraction, the Loop de Killer? We now take you live to Porpoise Bay, where our correspondent Holly Hemlock is standing by. The player chooses the astronaut Big Virginia Braddriguez for the first challenge, to be judged by a Sorcerous Sponsor. HOLLY Ignaeus, this test of fortitude begins in the queue. Can Braddriguez display grace and poise amidst the blobby crush of the tourist crowd? Braddriguez fails the Fitness test. SORCEROUS SPONSOR The gorgeous taste of Harmonica Sugarboat Cakelets will make you forget all about that thick-headed attempt to walk! Your queue has gravely insulted me! With this curse, the name “Big Virginia Braddriguez” shall forever be known as she who cuts her own hair. Braddriguez gains the trait “Cuts Own Hair.” The player chooses the astronaut Kirk Hornby for the second challenge, to be judged by a Vicious Psychologist. HOLLY Now for the most technical part of the ride: Horner must enter the cart and pull down the safety bar. Horner spies a food stand amongst the crowds of the park, and hurries towards it. His eyes are solely on the Funnel cakes! He consumes three of them, gaining trifold power and confidence! Horner’s trait “Powered by Funnel Cakes” is highlighted. He passes the Fitness test. VICIOUS PSYCHOLOGIST One one with a healthy id can buckle up like that. Though he is still a rhomboid mass overall, hmm? The player chooses the astronaut Big Virginia Braddriguez for the third/final challenge, to be judged by a Vicious Psychologist. HOLLY The ride has ended. Braddriguez must surely be dizzy, Ignaeus. Can she dismount gracefully? Braddriguez passes the Fitness test. VICIOUS PSYCHOLOGIST If only I could study Braddriguez’s thought palace, which allows her to dismount so comfortably. Though she is still a dunce overall, hmm? IGNAEUS Where will tonight’s success leave the FRSA? Let’s take a look. The results screen is shown, playing a victory fanfare. IGNAEUS And that’s our program for tonight. But don’t touch that dial, because “Dance! Dance! Smogcastle!” is up next on FBC1. |
All dialogue lines are chosen from multiple possible templates for a given line, then filled in with contextual information.
IGNAEUS: Will our astronauts have what it takes to [SkillTest.GoalAsVerb] in [SkillTest.Event]?
IGNAEUS: We now take you live to [SkillTest.Location], where our correspondent Holly Hemlock is standing by.
First challenge randomly selected: Queue
HOLLY: [Challenge.Intro(Astronaut)]
If Challenge Fails:
SPONSOR: The gorgeous taste of [Random.Product] will make you forget about that [Random.InsultAdjective] attempt to [Challenge.Verb]!
If Judge is Sorcerous:
Curse trait "Cuts Own Hair" selected.
SPONSOR: Your [Challenge.Noun] has gravely insulted me! With this curse the name "[Astronaut.Name]" shall forever be known as [He(Astronaut)] who [CurseTrait.VerbPhrase].
Second challenge randomly selected: Entering
HOLLY: [Challenge.Intro(Astronaut)]
If astronaut has a trait that gives a bonus in [SkillTest.Location]:
Trait found: "Powered by Funnel Cakes"
HOLLY: [Trait.BonusLines(SkillTest.Location)(Astronaut)]
Bonus given to astronaut's odds of success.
If Challenge Succeeds:
PSYCHOLOGIST: Only one with a healthy [Random.PsychConcept] can [Challenge.Verb] like that.
If Judge is Vicious:
PSYCHOLOGIST: Though He(Astronaut) is still a [Random.InsultNoun] overall, hmm?
Third challenge randomly selected: Dismounting
HOLLY: [Challenge.Intro(Astronaut)]
If Challenge Succeeds:
PSYCHOLOGIST: If only I could study [Astronaut.LastName]'s [Random.PsychConcept], which allows Him(Astronaut) to [Challenge.Verb] so comfortably.
If Judge is Vicious:
PSYCHOLOGIST: Though He(Astronaut) is still a [Random.InsultNoun] overall, hmm?
IGNAEUS: Where will tonight's success leave the FRSA? Let's take a look.
IGNAEUS: And that's our program for tonight.
IGNAEUS: But don't touch that dial, because "[Random.TVShow]" is up next on FBC1.